It’s Heart Wrenching to be a Mommy

…or rather it is heart wrenching to be a working mommy.

When we made the decision to go for a week long vacation with Ethan, we knew deep in our hearts that it would be difficult to leave him with Mrs Tan the babysitter after the long hiatus (by the way, Mrs Tan herself left for a vacation of her own too during that week). We touched down in Penang on Friday evening and I had planned on really REALLY starting bottle-feeding with formula milk last weekend itself. But on Saturday morning, Ethan woke up with a slight fever, so I decided to breastfeed him to make for speedier recovery. He would not take paracetamol orally voluntarily but we managed to *trick* him into taking *maybe* 1.5ml. His fever subsided in the afternoon, he had a good afternoon nap but his body was still slightly warm throughout the night. The next morning, he still had a slight fever and was sneezing a little too. I decided to try the same paracetamol *trick* but this time, he outsmarted me and would not even take a single sip!

So push came to shove and we took him for escalator therapy in Queensbay Mall in the afternoon. By evening after dinner, he was all right and raring to go! He slept soundly too, like an angel 🙂

This morning when Ethan woke up, he seemed especially more clingy than usual. When I asked him to go and greet his Daddy who was having breakfast, he refused and instead preferred to hug my legs. It was as if he *knew* Daddy and Mommy were going back to work and we were getting ready to send him to Mrs Tan’s place. It was as if he knew his vacation had ended, at least for now. Normally when we tell him “kai kai“, he would run happily to grab onto Pete’s legs, waiting to be carried. But today, none of that happened. He was crying and struggling, protesting that we were trying to take him out of the house. He sobbed all the way to Mrs Tan’s place, seemingly *knowing* what lay ahead. I myself could not stop my tears from trickling just watching him behave that way. If I had the power and means to eliminate his pain and anguish, I would do so in a heartbeat. Really I would.

When we reached Mrs Tan’s place, he wailed again, not as loudly as when we left our house, but still it broke my heart. Pete says it is normal ….

I called the sitter just now during lunch, and she said Ethan cried for a while but he was okay now. He took half a feed of his EBM and was now sleeping.

I’m missing him immensely now and I can’t wait to see my Mr Bulat again this evening.